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[December 05, 2007 @ 6:31pm] |
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music |
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The Warning - Hot Chip |
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Tangina, gago ka talaga.
Pinapaisip mo ako.
Wala ka pa ring ginagawa.
At kahit kelan, wala kang hiya.
HAHAHA.
Buti nalang, sanay na sanay kang mawala.
Tumugtog ka nalang.
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[November 27, 2007 @ 2:28am] |
I don't know.
I really hope the novelty isn't wearing off.
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[September 20, 2007 @ 7:53pm] |
EDIT:
The last post was not about MY boyfriend, okay? I like him just fine [most of the time ;)] It was for a good friend of mine. Should make him/her guilty as hell. :))
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[September 01, 2007 @ 11:45pm] |
ang dami mong akala, noh
akala mo na kaya mong ibalanse.
akala mo
na hindi mo kailangang pigilin ang paglibot mo
akala mo na may karapatan kang ipiga ang isang taong lubos ang pagmamahal para sa iyo.
akala mo na babalikan ng babalikan ka muli.
pero ano ka ba. wala ka bang hiya sa sarili mo
sa ibang tao
sa lahat ng ginawa mo?
suwerte ka lang
na hindi pa gaanong kapudpod
at pagod
ang nagbigay ng puso sa iyo
.
tangina mo ang suwerte mo talaga.
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[August 09, 2007 @ 7:55pm] |
It's those simple things.
Little words that say something big to you.
They are what makes A Moment.
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[August 08, 2007 @ 6:19pm] |
I've been so very irritable lately. Thank God I love to complain, else whatever it is I am irritated about at the moment will stay wherever it is and just... fester. We wouldn't want that. At least it takes up so much of the time that should be spent going off and doing productive things. Heehee >:) It's like the rainy days bring so many problems. Things you wouldn't even consider when it's too bright and too hot you give up trying to move and even think. The rain has this sort of introspective feel to it. It seems fitting, since time passes by so slowly, and sometimes I'm just left wondering about what I'm doing.
And this being a blog, and a public entry at that, I am very much willing to share the results of my short-lived-happy-but-not-so introspection time, since it would be selfish to shamelessly hog the thoughts I personally think people should know about. Not at the moment, though. I'm too busy trying to be chill.
_____________________
In so many little ways, I kind of miss you. There was something great about you I never got to understand.
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[August 03, 2007 @ 11:41am] |
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music |
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Throw It On Me - Timbaland ft. The Hives |
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:D
Am in an incredibly good mood. Riding the Patrol Roberta (who Mike decided needed to try out the Four Wheel Drive on for a jaunt in the mud), with I'm Bossy thumping in the background, put a smile on my face and a spring in my step. Nothing like Buendia transport to brighten up any lady's day. My pipes are flushed with the carcinogens and fat of Manang's food, but that's all good. Price I pay for my attempts at prettifying, which actually worked? HAHAHA. So much work in the background. But it isn't daunting anymore. My Accounting teacher's pretty, my sci10 teacher's gone, am seeing PaoPao. LOOKING UP LOOKING UP! It's looking like old times. By the way Kat Yulo's here. Everyone HOLLA HAHAHA JOLOGS
Am actually looking forward to the next three weeks.
Them other fuckers don't know how to act.
:D
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[July 31, 2007 @ 2:11pm] |
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music |
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letting the cables sleep remix |
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I'm unnerved as it is.
Don't make it come.
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[June 19, 2007 @ 9:46am] |
Dayuuuuum.
Totally beat. Fuck.
I concede.
I guess? NOT.
Haha. ;)
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[June 01, 2007 @ 9:00pm] |
I have a feeling.
And it brings out so many more.
Long ones, lost. But not forgotten.
Once revived
reviewed
rekindled
only take me under.
throw me off balance.
And for a feeling
never fully grasped.
Which sometimes secretly comes alive again.
The strange pulse
with every full view
every expected outcome
and every unexpected, shattering collision.
The ridiculous connection
by an almost uncontrolled perspective of the world.
But really
I never had one of you.
Haha I think I hated you?
But I had a feeling
you almost meant something like
the world to me.
Only because
I could never understand why.
I almost forget. It's been a while.
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[May 30, 2007 @ 7:23pm] |
So. Writing is about honesty, right?
I figured out why I can't write. I worry too much.
So I was sitting down with my parents on the balcony, after the stress of eating incomprehesibly spicy japanese soup for dinner. (I had to turn it into a pancit of sorts.) And of course they left me alone. And I was sitting there. And I wanted to stay in that same spot because the things I worried about right then and there were so minute, so minimal. Now i'm back in my room, sitting in front of my pc. And with ym and lj and especially that god forsaken aisis page open, so many more things to worry about flooded an ironically bright, little screen. And at that moment, I gave up on it. On my tiresome little habit of not taking things day by day or moment for moment.
And I love looking at what I have. That's what worries me sometimes. I have my parents, who give in to me when they know it matters the most. I have my best friends, who I know I have to listen to because they listen to me. I have my other friends, in heartbreak, in pain, in struggle, and in times too overwhelming to comprehend because at that moment, all is good when i'm with them. (And Mikey Mike my Stuffed Cuppycake, who will last forever.) I have my boyfriend, who doesn't treat me like trash, who I know cannot understand me on so many levels, but on so many more just seems like he's holding my hand. I have school, which gives me opportunity in exchange for the nights I am sleepless anyway. I even have Cantina, which is an institution I know will stand for aeons, for me and every student in dire need of a break. I have my music, which will last me a lifetime in the background and in the limelight. I have my shoes, which dry after getting wet from the flood in my room the previous night. And I have that stupid streetlamp, which stopped flickering because my monthly dues are going somewhere.
Ugh and I'm thinking. It's almost too selfish to worry about myself this much. I'm already struggling to remember the things I don't have to worry about. I have it pretty good.
Eck. Bahala na. :P
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[May 29, 2007 @ 6:02pm] |
I cannot write anymore. I cannot write, my thoughts have been scattered and the whole process muddled. All I had to say for my writing was that it was honest. Never as clear or as precise as I wished it to be, but it came from my heart, every single time. And now my heart is blocked, it's being suffocated by a nothing that I can't even see. I can't see through it. And sometimes, if can't even see much of what is honest or even real anymore, I get scared of not being able to write. Something around me is heavy because I cannot turn it into words. It takes away my discernment and it takes away the power i have over what comes from me.
I cannot listen to music anymore. Actually the problem is, I still can. I can turn on my player, click on a song, any song that I want, and listen. I can even look at my goddamn last.fm page and resist the urge to delete the account because I still marvel at the fact that music is and can be shared on such a level. Music comes in from so many places. It floats from the airwaves, it radiates from souls and hearts who feel and take and it is almost overwhelming, because I don't think I can do it anymore. I can't come to terms with the fact that it has the capacity to become such a shallow occupation for me. It is not something I am willing to accept, because I have come to love it. But all forms of love come with doubt, especially within the self. It is not so much terrifying to lose your individuality because of something else, as losing it in in something else.
I cannot look my grandfather in the eye without my heart wrenching anymore. It's in the quiet look in his eyes, the ones that look at me with eyebrows raised and an apology so deftly masked by pride. But then, I understand. I always understood. The tone of voice, raspy and pained. It's when the voice is all the more quiet than the look, telling me of expectation but most importantly, of supreme confidence I will not let him down.
Seeing this man, weak, sick, and so so tired. Seeing him, almost brought down by time and limitation. And I have never been more afraid to lose someone in my life. But he made it, he got up, got better, and came home. Because he couldn't not.
And maybe that's why it hits my heart. He, by example, is making it so simple for me. Not by what he's done, but by what he's making me see. These things, I cannot do. But I can still love. It'll always come back. I have faith.
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[May 18, 2007 @ 6:52pm] |
:(
Okay. Now I'm not angry anymore.
Just a little bit traumatized.
And :( .
_______________________________
If I wore one of those big shirts
that you love so much
will you take it off?
It's been a while
since I've felt your lips on my heart.
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[May 18, 2007 @ 11:23am] |
you gotta give me a break
from my persistent attempt at inspiration.
___________________________________
you're the colour, you're the movement and the spin.
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[May 10, 2007 @ 3:08pm] |
So
I'm in RMT
with Den and JV and Lawrence
and we're stalking people
and making kwento
and puta it's so boring talaga
and maingay
and Lawrence is talking about people not worth knowing
WALANG YM
we're googling ouselves nalang
ang tagal ni Jun kainis
I wanna go home na
and I feel so pangit
coz it's mainit
and Den needs to jebs
and Lawrence is so hot... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WEEEEEEH
Trish is coming back so tagal pa
and people keep having plays
like the time we got stuck in FBR
and almost died in the elevator
we were praying to the lord
tapos we didn't die pala.
puta it's so boriiiiiiiiing
reunion na!
game Marj's house
SIGE CS TAYO
pero super luma version
BULOK
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[May 10, 2007 @ 12:23pm] |
The days are blurring, with the things that have to be done but have yet to be done. And sometimes I feel I have to fill them in because of this nagging feeling of responsibility in the back of my head. Because of the loss of worth and purpose that comes with doing less than what you are capable of. It's a funnel, actually. It keeps you from coming out, and The Peter Principle hasn't even come into play yet.
But I found a way out. These days are painfully mundane because of the lack of discovery. People say they need change, they need definition, they need purpose. It's hard to find because we are all being bogged down by the weight of unaccomplished responsibility and impending occupation. We rush to do everything, we tire ourselves because we fight to go with the flow of what shouldn't be worth anything, or at least what we should disregard to find worth in other things. In things that really matter, in things that touch our hearts in every way possible. Then, a perpetual state of... blah. Of ORDINARY.
But every little feeling, every slight shift in the range of emotion aside from banality, is DISCOVERY. The fear for the life of a cherished loved one. The utter boredom of daytime tv. The thrill of organized sports. The kasawaan of leftovers or food that's too sweet. The appreciation of old loves that makes you love the new ones more. The pain of stubbing your toe on the bedpost, the accomplishment of a successful meeting or aced test. The rekindling of old friendships. The throbbing of an overtaxed mind. EVERYTHING MAKES YOU ALIVE! Every small thing is a reason to go on.
Pain. Heat. Weariness. Love. Even the wait. Discovery.
Lifeisgood. Coz we're still always gonna be alive.
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| YEARBOOK |
[May 09, 2007 @ 8:01pm] |
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music |
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Some unknown cd of Ayon's |
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Guys! The Poveda Yearbook cd will finally be available next week! You can pick them up at the Poveda Information Office. :D
yb Staff! ♥ I miss you. :(
The best memories. Events planning. Advertisements. FEATURES! Gallivanting with Kat Yulo while Ms Rom was looking for us and the rest of the teachers ran from Kat's assaults. Staring at the Spanish elective next door. Making the little robots do the nasty with VisCom. VtoB. To and fro, to and fro, to and fro, TAKE CARE OF SPONGECOLA! OMG class picture shifts, standing under the sun with Bugoy and Kayla (thank god for baggers' umbrella) Sorry batch below! We never meant to yell at you. :-S Grad pic shifts, where Kayla and I would always avoid the shift for one particular class, but God would always put us there. =)) Sandara Park for late or no writeups. And the hassle of Finance! Where there was this little kid who gave ME trouble! Excuse me. Why didn't you blame one of the most corrupt teachers in the administration, s/he took your money not me. :P That stalker seventh grader! ;)) ALL THE PAPER WE STOLE FROM THE PUBLISHER COZ WE WERE SO ALIW WITH THE GIGANTIC CUTTER!
And I'm sorry WordCom, I was NEVER the Minute Maid. =))
God I miss high school. Especially the Yearbook Staff and 4C. We all had to work (or do the complete opposite) together, and I think our output wasn't so bad. Good times, great memories. Miss High School! :((
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[May 04, 2007 @ 7:11pm] |
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music |
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Goodbye - Clor |
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We do. We do kill ourselves, everyday, with the same kind of pain.
But this is why we're together. We've formed a relationship founded on pain. But also on boundless care, unquestionable respect, and deep, the deepest kind of love. It's like you said. With or without reason, it's the depth of what we feel that we will always share. We each have our highs, and we each plunge to lows so individually ours, so internal, it is almost paralyzingly closed off.
But that's the beauty of having each other. It is so one-sided, where no other factors are considered except the ones that put us on each other's sides. We know we're wrong most of the time. We break, but our relationship is human enough to stand that fact that we can't fix each other. We'll just stand by and be there. For the longest time. Like always. Though we break. And break. And break. Who do we love more than the people who are there to pick up the pieces we have left of ourselves? And the best part is, glueing back is always another shared process, one that's better for all the little cracks we bypass and let go.
I love you. And you. There have never been any serious sorrys in our relationship. There has never been a need. Never even any thank yous. Just the quiet acceptance that yeah, we're going to grow old together.
I don't mind.
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[May 03, 2007 @ 8:19pm] |
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music |
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The Wallflowers |
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How soft a whisper can get
When you’re walking through a crowded space
I hear every word being said
And I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you
How long an hour can take
When you’re starting into open space
When I feel I’m slipping further away
I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you
These are the days
That I won’t get back
I won’t hear you cry
Or hear you laugh
And when it’s quiet
And I don’t hear a thing
I can always hear you breathe
You know there’s nowhere else
I’ve wanted to be
Than be there when you need me
I’m sorry too
But don’t give up on me
And just remember that when you were asleep
I got a little bit closer to you
__________________________________________
Maybe reality is understated.
Just like romance.
Which. Can't be so bad.
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[May 02, 2007 @ 8:26pm] |
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music |
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Laugh I Nearly Died - The Rolling Stones |
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And I've fallen. again.
It. It shouldn't be this way.
I'm listening to music again. Small consolation,
coz the whole process. Still leaves me a bit empty.
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